Wanted – Wild Badger Handler. Bites. Must Provide Own Body Armor.
Well, it’s official, though hardly shocking. Bean has been asked not to return to yet another daycare.
As I sit here with the scars from my child marring my own arms, I can’t blame the center. But we can’t hire a nanny right now, and the idea of drearily selecting another center with yet another round of new teachers and administrators and another merry go round from hell of waiting for the inevitable calls to begin asking us to come pick up Bean just makes me want to weep.
So the alternative is a home based center. I know there are some good ones, and I am planning to interview a few I’ve found.
The whole stupid ordeal just makes me so frustrated and unhappy and I want to scream that my kid is not some evil little brat, he can be sweet and loving and he loves little babies (no, not for lunch) and can somebody please just tell me how to help him? Yet at the same time, meanly and selfishly, I want to scream at my poor kid What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just act like a nice little boy? Why does everything have to be a damn fight with you? Which, of course, makes me feel about an inch tall and covered in shame. Because who thinks like that about their 3 year old?
I am failing at being a mom. Failing.
And this is only 3-1/2 years in. How in God’s name can I possibly deal with the school years, fraught with mean kids and weaker kids and kids who will push every little button my son has? Teenage rebellion? Peer pressure? I feel like the only light at the end of this tunnel is a runaway train.
I realize this blog has become a litany of miserable bitching, and for that I say thank you, for sticking with me thus far, and I’m sorry. Things have to hit rock bottom soon. I can’t even stand myself right now.
((((((HUGS)))))))
You know where I am if you need me….. just give me a shout! I have two large and solid (albeit a wee bit sunburned this evening) shoulders just waiting to be leaned and/or cried upon.
And you know this, well you’d BETTER know this, but I’ll say it again just in case:
You are NOT failing as a mother. Not the tiniest, little bit. Don’t make me hop on a plane to Vegas to come smack some sense into your head about even considering thinking that. Okay?
Oh, wait – hang on a second. Plane to Vegas vs. wallpaper stripping and millions of boxes to unpack………… Make me hop on a plane, okay? Right now! I’m already packed!
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
Oh, man. I’m so sorry you guys are having such a hard time, Coco. Obviously, I don’t know Bean, but he might thrive in a smaller setting in someone’s home. My son did. She was/is the best day-care provider in our entire area. She only took eight kids at a time, and she would cook with them, have them roll out meatballs, make pasta. She would garden with them, take them on walks in the woods in back of her house, and she would have sit-down school time each day. If you can find a place like that, I’m telling you, it’s a great thing. Find someone who enjoys being outdoors, no matter what the weather. Boys need a lot of outdoor playtime.
The other thing I have to say is that three to four was a horror show as far as my son’s behavior and all the other kids I’ve known. You’re not at all failing as a mother. The only time you fail is when you give up, as far as I’m concerned.
Hey, my kid’s started his career forging my signature, and he’s only eight, and he’s lying like crazy over the most ridiculous things. It’s never easy, my friend, and sometimes bitching on your blog is good therapy. Hang in there.
i’m totally a much worse mother than you are. you are not failing. you are still trying, and that’s about all you can do. you will find the right solution. i know you will.
You are NOT failing! You are struggling. There is a huge difference. You love him, you want what’s best for him, and due to circumstances, you’re having a hard time finding what that is. That’s all. Lola’s right – kids’ behavior in the pre-school years is a horror show. They get ramped up at 2 and don’t calm down until they hit kindergarten. Boys especially. And you’ll be hard-pressed to find a parent who hasn’t thought “what the hell is wrong with you?” about his/her kid at one point or another. It’s frustrating and completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Bean is a good kid who needs something extra. You’ll find it, and he’ll flourish. Hang in there. You ARE a good mom! Don’t forget that. I’m always here if you need an ear or two. ((((HUGS))))
Wow, I will hop on that plane with Miss Heather!
You are no failing. Has Bean been eval’d for early intervention services?
Now, I will admit that if it were my kid being bitten, I would be relieved that the situation was being handled.
For you, as the parent of the biter, it sucks! But, I wonder did they try any behavior modifications before simply telling you he couldn’t return?!
I agree with the others that a good home based situation might be better for him!
If we lived closer, I would totally offer to babysit for you in the meantime!
Oh, Coco–3 is so hard. Parenting is so hard. There are no easy answers, but there ARE people who have gone down this road before you who will TOTALLY get it and be able to share what worked for them. the hard part is finding those people.
Know that you are a good mom–a great mom and you totally love and care for Bean and his well being, so much that you struggle over it and work to do what you need to do to meet his needs…That’s what he needs more than anything.
(((Coco)))
You’re not failing at all, dude. Stop beating yourself, it’s okay! I promise. Let me wrap my meaty arms around you.
Okay, better?
I have 1 kid who is a total pushover follower who will be the one getting into stupid trouble because he can’t think for himself. He lives in the clouds and nothing can bring him back down.
My other? Going to be a bully. I’m terrified of it. I know it. And he’ll grow up to be a used car salesman.
There’s no way that I could cause both of those problems. It’s just inborn.
Hang in there Coco. Not your fault. Unless, of course, you bite people when you’re mad in front of him. Then it’s probably your fault.
And think of it this way, vampires are all the rage right now
Oh man, they all go through the terrible threes, I don’t know who decided age two was the terrible one. I babysat my niece from birth until age 5 when she started school this past fall, and she was, well, a nightmare. I love her dearly, but she was a screamer, a crier, a thrower of toys, over the tiniest thing. And not just at my house, at home too. I was at the end of my rope with her, and that’s why they put her in Kindergarten instead of waiting another year. This year in school has done wonders for her. She is much more in control of herself. Her sister, on the other hand, is a complete angel. So you just have one of the hard ones. Hang in there and hopefully if you find the right setting for him, he’ll settle down. I really really sympathize with you on this.
Oh Coco! We’ve all had those moments. Stop beating yourself up. I find wine much more helpful!
I hope you find the perfect day care solution quickly and with little stress.
Hang in there!!!
ditto to all that has already been said.
My boy is 5 and the evil twin is making an appearance more and more often. My sweet, loving child turns into this mouthy, angry, argumentative teenage demon and I have no idea how to handle that either. There are so many days I wish I believed in corporal punishment for kids…
You are not alone. And you WILL get through this. And if you don’t handle it in the ideal manner, you still get to teach him that you are human and prone to making mistakes, and that’s ok as long as you keep trying.
I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. Have you heard of Brain Highways? We have not yet gone through the program but were very impressed with the informational open house and evaluation.
Take good care.
(((hugs))) in solidarity with all the failing mothers. Because we all are to some extent and your obvious concern and love for your son makes you perfect, the perfect mother. and more (((hugs))) for you in these tough days.
yea, what they all said. Seriously. We all think at one time or another that we are failing at being a mom. You are not. And Lola’s right. the only failing is giving up. Which you aren’t. You’ll find the right place for him….but sorry it’s so hard!
Oh Coco. I’m so sorry.
I’ll be a bad mom with you. Because I have wanted to yell some crappy things more times than I can count in the past three weeks.
Sometimes being a parent is hard, isn’t it?, and you know I’m beginning to think there are times when there is NO right answer, there is just muddling through for a bit until something kind of “shakes loose”… I will hope that something shakes loose for you and Bean soon, that an answer presents itself, that Bean hits a milestone that allows his behavior to start improving… that something will fall into place.
(((Hugs)))